Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
