I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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