you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
