I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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