I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Just cropdusted the office
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
