I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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