I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
