all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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