THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
