Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Naked Twister starts at high noon
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
