My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
