Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
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