please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
