we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
