She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
