I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
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