The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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