Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
