i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
