I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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