you didnt know i had herpes?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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