I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
