Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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