Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
