I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
