i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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