Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
