So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
