Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
