someone threw a dead crab at me
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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