my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
