I think i sorta joined a cult last night
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
