Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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