How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I am available for nakedness
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
