He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
