I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
And then my night got REAL pukey
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
