i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
