you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
