The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
