Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
