id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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