from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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