Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Randomize
