at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Randomize
