it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I puked a lego.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
