where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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