what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
