do herpes really smell.
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
