I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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