You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I need a beard to bite.
Randomize
