a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up�
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
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