you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
