I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
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