I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
