We named our party play list daddy issues
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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