Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
