ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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